BIPOLAR DEPRESSION

BIPOLAR DEPRESSION

BIPOLAR DEPRESSION

I haven’t blogged or posted anything in a long while, due to my creative juices working against me. It’s not really a writer’s block or anything, as I have a few things I’m working on. Just like a creative distraction…… I guess. Anyhow, somehow in the middle of all the cloudy creative distraction… comes this blog which such powerful intent. And a thought-provoking message. Ah  man, this blog really got people’s fuel pumping, well you know what.. it wasn’t even a blog it was comic or comic blog… To me it was a display of a beautiful and intelligent art work. The comic was a black and white, and there’s a man standing outside of a building with his umbrella extended, because….. of course; it’s raining, outside…….. “(on him)”. He’s just standing there, contemplating whether to go in or not go in; whether or not to go in and have himself committed; whether to check in or not check in…while standing outside in the pouring rain. I can’t tell you exactly the context of the comic… I don’t want to quote it the wrong way number one and number two I can definitely tell you what I took from it. The man looked up at the psych ward while standing outside in the rain, (which would be his problems, his anguish, his pain, his sorrow, his insecurities, his fears, basically standing outside in HIS storm.
Then he says to himself I want this help for myself, I want to feel better… I mean who wouldn’t want to feel better. I just always feel not myself when I leave. He’s saying that once he’s checked in to the hospital and they get hold of his head or brain and pump him with the controlling zombie meds he will feel like a different person. Not himself. Hence creativity stricken.

Now this blog was SIMPLY a black and white comic for you to get from it what you would… What was amazing though were the replies. You had to really sit and read the replies and take heed to the replies that were liked. It felt like a support forum, with love and concern of our peers. I guess mental disease sees no color, share, form, or fashion. Each and every last individual who replied had either dealt directly with depression or indirectly. Having a child who is suffering, a mate their in a relationship with, their mother or father, brother or sister, cousin, uncle or auntie, grandma or grandad. Their teacher, or pastor, some community influence they may may have had in their pass… for me it was my big sister of the big sister little sister program. I know I should have re blogged the comic but I don’t know how to find it. What inspired me to do this piece is the support I got from some of my fellow peers. One person reminded me that some of the greatest minds suffered from mental illnesses, to include composers, lawyers, musicians, artist, producers, directors, investors, doctors.  I mean the list goes on and on. But mental illness is really a disease that should be considered chronic and taken more seriously by society. Maybe a lot of these suffering people, if they had help, we would have more people to contribute to society. Who knows they may have what it takes to cure Aids or Cancer who knows.
Mental illness also leads to so many other life deterrence’s. The list is never ending. Just to name a few… A person with low self-worth, will do things against their own judgment because they seek the approval of others. Instead of being secure in the choices they make. A depressed adult will miss years of their life trying to climb out of the depression hole. Unable to build a work history. Missing out on opportunities to create new friendships and relationships. A depressed child will miss out on childhood years, getting treatment or not getting treated. Sending more days inside than outside. They will get picked on, which will affect their self-esteem, which will mess with the way they proceed into their future, as well as the way they view their futures, and the quality of life, living. Almost never being able to live life to its fullest potential. Now I know that there are various challenges people may face in life. Alcoholism, drug addiction, pornography, infidelity, physical challenges, life threatening diseases, unwanted pregnancy through rape, rape, chronic homelessness, I know the list can go forever, I’m sure you may have a few to add. Matter of fact feel free, if I have missed any challenges that threaten the quality of life that you know of please leave it in your reply. But mental illness can severely affect the function of one’s life if not under control.
The remedy should not simply be endorphins, and that poor quality thing they call therapy. Yeah okay therapy. I’ve been in therapy for and taking those silly, thought killer meds for a very long time. Smoking weed gives you the same feeling as those silly pills and most mental patients just like me op for weed over those controlling drugs. Even sometimes it’s easier to get. I just say this to say i think I may have start rallying for a different way for mental patients to get help, without having to kill their creative energy at the same time. Everyone’s problem is not the same and every cure can’t possibly be the same. I’ve suffered from Bipolar depression as well as anxiety for over fifteen years… and man I can tell you… it’s a battle. But I’m sure the same medication for hyperactive people shouldn’t be the same medication for bipolar depression, as the same medicine for schizophrenia can’t be the same for depression. So many ups and downs. Highs and lows, I can’t even count, that I with this sickness. One minute my life is the best I can imagine it can be lived, the next I find myself in a place where I just can’t understand how I got there. And this not understanding phase is detrimental for me, because I zone out trying to figure it out, and sometimes it takes just too long to come out of the funk. Sometimes months turn into a year. I have so many manic moments, I believe I’m more manic than okay. Lol

God willing, my mental stability should be okay with medication and treatment. It’s just as I said earlier on… I feel as though the meditation takes away from my creativity, turning me into a functioning zombie. The years that I am medicated, I’m rarely manic.. yes, but I’m just floating, just here, co-existing. Then, without being medicated there are days or situations that arise where I can’t control my feelings and emotions. And Lord forgive me I feel that my purpose here is more grand than to just float. I have many ideas of ways to help the world, and ideas of how the world could be a better place. I love to write, and draw, so I love being creative. It’s just such a damper to be unable to find alternative treatment. So my goal for my mental health is to find alternative treatment, something natural. Id like to have kids somewhere in my future and just want to be stable first. If you have any advice for me….. PLEASE HELP!!

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2 thoughts on “BIPOLAR DEPRESSION

  1. yourmindplzexpressit Post author

    This blog really means a lot to me. It’s in reference to my mental state and without my mental state I’m nobody. I’m floating. This blog had attention at one point, and is a pretty decent piece. But something went totally wrong. God is good and I’m sure things will get back to the point where it needs to be. TabbyRenElle I lost your reply and would greatly appreciate that you send it again. Thank you.

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